Dear TK (March 2000)

All the fighting last night was very rough- the rougher he got and the quieter she became, the more murderous your thoughts became

I know how it feels, and the bad news is it’s going to get worse for a little while. But then it gets better, and you need to be ready for that. But please calm down and believe that he is not fighting you. He’s fighting something inside himself that has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with anybody except him. Tomorrow is school, and you have to rest to do well in all the classes you’ll be in, and do well you must. Our future depends on you! But before you go, listen for a minute. Think of all the passionate fighting we’ve done- we fight for everyone but us, and we don’t care, right? Now think how many times we’ve actually thought about the consequences of this…not very often, eh?

The long and the short of it is that it’s not your job to protect the adults around you- it’s their job to protect you. The folks sometimes forget that we are not adults, so right now I need you to remember to act your age! I know this sounds trite, but you have to learn think of yourself, and to guard your heart. No family is perfect: so please rest in the fact that more will be revealed to you as you go on- we are not alone. To hear other people’s stories, you need to allow people into our space. As I said it is going to get worse, and you’re going to need a strong pillar of support to get through it. You’ll begin to hear this now more often: there’s nothing stronger than a group of girlfriends held together by mutual love and support. But in order to get that support you have to drown that possessiveness that is starting to seep in. Allow friends to be themselves, and interact with others. Space and an opportunity to grow is what they need most right now (and what healthy friendships are built on), and they’ll love us for it in the future. DO NOT BACK OFF from a friendship when you feel slighted- HUG IT OUT! No one is out to cut you out of anything, and the faster you understand this (really understand this), the easier life will be. I promise you if you don’t talk to Donna tomorrow, in a couple of months there will be a wall so thick between you two, it will take years to climb over. She is one person you can count on to be in your corner.

One last thing: Start being honest with yourself: the more you do that, the more honest you will be to other people. And that’s the key- I’m learning now that honestly always breaks down the walls of assumptions and misunderstandings.

Signed, TK (March 2015)

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