Yo! Young Wairimu,

Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t start a letter to my younger self that way.

But, on a serious note, I would only write a letter to you if I could be assured that any wisdom and any common sense I talk into that girl, wouldn’t alter the course of her life so much so that she wouldn’t end up where she is right now.

Because, somehow, someway, God would be able to take all the wrong turns and all the poor choices and turn them into something beautiful.

This constant fear you have? Let it go. It’s crippling. I wish I could tell you the fear goes away completely. I wish I could tell you that with age comes courage. I wish it were that easy. But it unfortunately has nothing to do with age. Instead, it all comes back to learning to trust in an unseen God. You know the One? The One you pray to and trust in with all you heart and soul. The One you will inevitably question and doubt.

The people in your life don’t change much and the relationships you have don’t change much either. The only thing that changes is you; how you deal and the way your values and politics develop, the way you care about yourself and the standards you hold for the people around you. Create a safe space for yourself. It can be a slow, lonely process and at times, it can lead to vulnerability and some people will take advantage of that. But it will all come back to learning, some times painfully, that it just makes you stronger… more resilient. I know the temptation to settle for things in this life are strong. The temptation to set aside who you are and try to be someone you were never meant to be. But that path? It won’t bring you happiness. It won’t bring you peace. 

Don’t forget the people you love. Spend more time with them. Spend more time with mum because you won’t have a chance to make it up. I wish that this letter had the power to change some of your decisions. Unfortunately, hindsight, and the lessons learned can’t undo mistakes you have made and that is something you have to live with. The grief that comes from losing someone is intense and lasting. Life…

You have had and will continue to have incredible people and times in your life. Power through even when you think you don’t stand a chance. You give up too quickly. Find fun in things even when other areas of your life are crumbling.

Be open, honest and loving. Always.
Take care, Future Wairimu

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