It hurts. Nobody ever told you that a broken heart could literally physically hurt. You gave this thing called love the best of you. You gave so much, you forgot to take care of you. You were caught up so deep you couldn't hear the little voice any more. 

They talk about people losing themselves - it's not just a thing they say in movies and books - you actually did lose yourself.

I know it feels like the ground underneath you suddenly isn't there. All the things you knew to be true suddenly were gone and not only are they not true, but they don't exist. You don’t even know how to put that into words, how to articulate it. You know they say to take it a day at a time. It feels like you can only take it a breath at a time because that's all you can do - try and breath because even that is seems like the hardest thing to do - forget getting up in the morning, getting dressed and face the world. All you want is the world to stop. Just stop for a bit so you can lay down because trying to catch up with the world is proving impossible. 

But it gets better. It's a breath at a time today then a moment at a time, an hour at a time, a morning at a time, a day at a time, a week at a time and you get to a point where you are laughing with your family in the ocean on holiday and it's a little shocking because you thought you would never laugh again. But you do - you laugh again. And you are showered with love from your family and it still hurts, but you can smile and laugh and sing in the shower and not think about it for a little while.

You will slowly realise you are the most important thing and you always come first and it's ok to come first. You will remember to listen to the little voice your mother always tells you about. You will learn to trust it more and even when it comes in the form of an unsettling feeling somewhere deep down, you will listen because that little voice is looking out for you. You will learn to trust that the universe is looking out for you and there is always a reason for things to happen. You will learn that even if it feels like insurmountable pain and hurt of epic proportions, the universe will always find a way to make it better. Remember you have always wanted to go to that place with the beautiful lake? Well randomly, the stars align to give you a trip there. The universe is always good to you and looking out for you. The most amazing friends will be delivered to you as well and you will always be showered in love. 

So trust the journey. Self awareness is a total nightmare sometimes, but you must always always be conscious of yourself and actually actively live and navigate through life without just floating through it unconsciously. Because that's what life is about - living and not drifting.

In love and light always,


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