Dear College Wambui,

College, like they say, is really a great time. However, balancing school, an active and healthy social life, adapting to a new place and dating is quite tricky.

Especially the dating and relationships bit. You're doing well (well enough, it's college!) with balancing the rest.

Being open (within reason) is a good way to go about dating. After all it's a completely new environment and you have a general sense of what you want and how to avoid the bad guys. Finding a worthwhile partner is something most people struggle with. It's a combination of many things including, luck! You're not special in this struggle. Internalize this. 

Here comes the tricky part... finding yourself in a not so great relationship with someone who was seemingly wonderful. This, again, is something that happens to most people, even the very reasonable ones. Do not beat yourself up about this. BUT, staying for a prolonged period of time does absolutely no good ( I promise!) and is a thing you can control.

Here is some advice to navigate through this: if it feels wrong in your core, it is wrong. If there is a constant nagging feeling that really doesn't stem from fear or insecurities, or does, explore it. It means something and you will learn a great deal about yourself in the process.

I guarantee you that the less foolishness (or whatever other adjective you'd like to insert here) you tolerate, the less that will be given to you. People know their audience. Be brave enough to walk away. Once you adopt this mindset you will attract better men and have a much healthier dating life. There will be not so great ones but you will be able to identify them and move away from them swiftly. It's definitely a work in progress, mistakes will be made, but it's one that is worth pursuing fully despite the loneliness that may come at times.


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