You will inevitably find him cute. Big hair, Kangol hat and a certain smile/smirk that got the girls.

Your requirements are minimal:

  1. Get Boyfriend
  2. Must be Cute.

He is going to break your heart. Not in a million pieces but just enough to make you doubt your inner beauty. Just enough to make you a little cynical. And just enough to make you sing through entire TLC, Destiny’s Child and Pink albums like your life depended on it.

 You will think you have ‘a type’ . Your sister will make fun of your preference, “what is it with you and these brown boys?”. You’d laugh because it had more to do with his attitude and clothes than his shade of skin.

Here is the thing you never knew, what seemed like his cocky self assurance was actually fear of the unknown, what seemed like a swagger and style was actually a boy trying to find  himself in a  cross cultural mix of American rap lyrics and African manliness.

You will soon realise that you hate the smell of cigarettes on his breath, hate having to suffer near suffocation via your braids because hanging out with your type meant having your hair act like a smoke filter.

You will go on a date the guy with the big car and figure out that’s not what you are about. You will hang out with the popular one and realise he is not your cup of tea. You will spend a lot of time in the land of ‘he loves me/he loves me not’ abusing hapless marigolds before realising that male attention does not validate you.

You will change your type and begin to look deeper. Values will mean more to you than being on the arm of the guy every girl is lusting for. This might be for the best because ten years down the line, the guy every girl was lusting for is lugging a 10kg beer gut, sweaty armpits and possibly the early symptoms of gout. He will hug you and show you pictures of his children on his phone. He will stare at your boobs.

There is no manual to navigating love, but remember two things: take your time to get to know a person and walk away from anyone who does not respect or treat you well.




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