On Love & Friendship

Don't you miss the ease and how smooth we have been since we first kissed in your bedroom with your friend fake asleep on your bed?

The room next door was bursting with activity, games and liquor, and music but we found our way out. And everything changed, it was evident to anyone who cared to notice our body language. We lay longer in bed the next morning; we hugged a little tighter as you wished me safe travels. You now looked into my eyes and saw the burning desire in mine. 

Conversations got lighter and we went on and on. You promised to make our next meetup happen. And you did.

I have never felt as I did with you. Everything was straight and right. The tension evaporated as soon as we started talking and our lips itched the moment we closed that door. The energy. Not the sex. The desire, not infatuation. 

I wanted you and you wanted me just as bad. Our lips touched and it was explosive. My whole being came alive. I tensed and I loved. All I wanted to do was get closer. It was lifting. The feeling was lifting and intimate. 

We knew ourselves to go for hours. Goodbyes were hard because the more we loved the more we wanted each other. I wonder sometimes, do you miss the ease and comfort?

But this is the very thing we fought about. 

And forgot how well we work together. How easy it is to spend time together. We forget how seamless and endless our conversations are. How funny we are.

But all along the fights and feelings have been evolving. My struggles with acceptance have been evolving as well. 

You say I've been stuck on what we were or what we would have been that it gets annoying. But I had never felt like that before… Don't blame me for holding on. 

It's true I have reasons and it’s facts I should have let go, and this here is proof I have.

I'll write this last letter, to my next lover and you, my friend. I write this letter for myself, and to the universe. 

Self: You have loved, and you have loved right and wrong. It might not be love but you have felt and that was valid. There comes a time though when you must stop, look around and decode your feelings, revisit your priorities and act accordingly regardless.

You must tell yourself the hard truths and move. Respect yourself above all. I wish you give yourself as much love as you desire to feel and share with someone.

I hope you will take yourself out on cute dates and think of how to get your pair of earrings soon.

I think you should learn to love to study with yourself and impress yourself. 

I hope you'll beg yourself for forgiveness and give as many chances as possible after just showing up all cute and messed up.  

Your lover is coming. She is coming to love you and push you to change for the better. She is coming to be your sunshine and breeze. She is coming to compliment and partner up. She is coming with certainty and intention to love and be present.

She will embrace all of you, the sexual and the professional. She will coach you on your next interview and fuck you after. Passionate love, throbbing, and rough sex after a grueling mock interview. Same energy! 

She is coming to grow with you and for support. 

And you will love her as you've never been hurt before. You will love, adore, and respect her. For a bond that will last forever and a day, I am ready.


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