Dear Damarie,

Here’s something no one wants to tell you: You will lose.


They are all too scared to tell you. I wouldn’t blame them either. They are just doing their best to protect you, because they love you.


But there are tough years coming ahead, and rather than let you stumble through them, I’d like to help you get through them; by embracing loss.


You will lose friends. Well, you call them friends now. I call them passers-by. They’ll pass by, carrying with them false hopes and dreams of a communal feel only to leave you stranded in an ocean of loneliness. Let them go. In losing them, you will gain sisters by fate. They are the ones you should look out for. Start with the girl who sits behind you in Form One. Yes, especially on that day you can’t help but loathe you are in the same school that has caused you so much pain in past years. Say hi, she’ll say hi back, and you’ll find that in between the drudgery of high school, you’ll bond over those novels you read instead of focusing in class. Loss isn’t bad after all.


You will lose yourself in heartbreak. You’ll entrust your heart to a few, they’ll hand it back to you in pieces. The hardest of them all will break you, and change you. He’ll make you feel worthless and powerless. What you lose to him, is weakness. You see by breaking your heart, he will give you a chance to build up standards only the one God has set aside for you will meet. Hold out for him, he is out there. When your path’s cross, you will know.


You will lose interest in things you thought you wouldn’t. You know what, that’s okay. You are multi-talented. Accept it. I can’t wait for the day you lose interest in living up to other people’s standards. It’s unnecessary. But you have to learn that for yourself, so you can stand firmly for what you believe in, without fear of the future. In losing interest in this, you will gain purpose. You can and you will change the world. In small ways and in big ways.


You will lose family members. Death is a reality you can’t hide from. Baby Enoch’s death will rock your world. Aunt Lilian will lose her battle with cancer, but you’ll learn later that she ultimately won the war. Don’t be scared to deal with this reality. It’s scary. I know. But you are strong. So when she looks you in the eye and tells you to take care of her little brother and her sister in law, listen and say you will. Many times, death will rob you unexpectedly, but it will remind you of the riches you still have.


You will lose time. It’s inevitable. So don’t waste it moaning, whining and complaining. Especially to the people you love. Just love and enjoy loving. Enjoy laughing. Enjoy living.

You will lose hope, then gain faith. You see Saada, suffering exists in the world. There’s no point hiding that from you. You will have your fair share. Even when you get to university (far away from your bubble you will be happy to know). You’ll lose context of the place you called home for so long. Then you’ll discover home is not a place, it’s the people.


You will lose context to gain perspective.


Loss is not such a scary thing. Embrace it.


I love you.


Your future self,

Damarie Saada Kalonzo.

(Because you’ll stop running from who you are soon enough)

Previous Next