Dear  Tim(ca.2005),

I know the things that go through your mind on an almost daily basis. Will life get better? You look at your classmates’ new shoes and picture yourself in something even remotely close to them. I know it’s not because you’re jealous of them. No…to you they simply represent a life that’s better than the one you lead, and that’s all you ask for. You spend hours picturing yourself in a time where this is true. A world in which nobody makes fun of your worn out shoes. You will come to have a better life, with better things. But you’ll also learn that your happiness is not dependent on the things you have.

You know why things are the way they are. Mum ran into some trouble with the bank. People come looking for her often, and you hope they don’t take her away one day. You’ve lived away from her before and it’s not an experience you want to repeat.

You think about whether or not she’ll get a job soon. She talks to herself a lot and this worries you. But not nearly as much as the smoking does. You don’t even know why cigarettes are bad. All you know is that you’d rather mum did not smoke them.

You really hope she gets a job. But you also can’t bear the thought of her not being home when you come back from school. She will get that job, and she’ll give you a much, much better life. She will become very health conscious (a tad too much so, if I’m being honest, lol) and because of this she’ll quit smoking and lead a very healthy life. You should see her now, she looks amazing. Sadly, however, in order to get the job, she’ll have to go away and you won’t see her for a very very long time. I’m still waiting for her to come back.

So as terrible as you may find life, cherish every moment you have with her. You’ll have to wait very long to experience that again. Tell her you love her more often. Hug her more. For both our sakes.

Sometimes you think this is all your dad’s fault. You feel he could make life better for you if he wanted to. Mum is always saying you shouldn’t think ill of him, but to your young mind, it’s not right how he acts like you don’t exist. I don’t entirely disagree with you. But you’ll come to want to hear his side of things. Maybe as we speak a future self of ours is writing to us telling us about how he worked on that relationship. We still haven’t gotten round to that up to this point, but we are seriously thinking about it.

You’ll come to know of and love a rapper called J Cole. And a song of his called “Love Yourz” will greatly resonate with you one day. I leave you with a few of  his words,

“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours…

…there’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success…

...Always gon’ be some clothes fresher than the ones you rock…

…but you ain’t never gon’ be happy till you love yours…”

-Jermaine Lamarr Cole, 2014.

Oh…and #WengerOut…you’ll come to understand what that is…

With so much love,

Tim(ca. 2017).

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