PAPA WASN’T A ROLLING STONE

Dear Shyro (on 24 th  May 2009; 7pm)

I see you. Sitting there in the house we grew up in, trying to figure out how to get as far away as you can from the fact that Dad has just died. Just now. Today. About three hours ago.

I know that you are probably hopeful that this letter will be filled with the wisdom and compassion you need to get through the next couple of months. I am sorry, but it will not. Perhaps future us will have figured that out so I suggest we both keep checking the post box. I know that you have everything you need to get you through the next few weeks, I only ask that you remember that this is the first time that everyone is mourning Dad, so be as gentle with them as you can and stop questioning who has the right to mourn him and to what degree.

 And I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but there are some beautiful moments coming your way, and these are the ones I am bursting to tell you about:

It’s going to become impossible for you to continue living in the mundane (no offense) way that you currently are. You will start writing again, and although your writing won’t be any good, at all, you are going to be so happy with it. And then, things will begin to make sense and all of that will be Dad, pulling strings and doing things for you in the afterlife that he didn’t know he was capable of doing while he was alive. 

On that note, you will soon realise, for the very first time, that Dad was a human being. I honestly think we scared the life out of him. He was just a guy who knocked up his high school sweetheart and then tried to figure out what the hell he was doing as he went along. You will remember this everyday and it will be the reason you smile.  Memories of the moments when Dad got the fatherhood thing completely wrong will bring you the most joy. Like when he’d sneak you and Kuko out of school for long drives in the middle of exam week, just because he felt like it.

But the most precious moment will be when you learn that Dad’s death is not the end of your relationship with him, but the beginning of a much more honest, present, and life-changing one. You will feel him around all the time (he’s here with me right now as I write this), and how similar you both are. He will still demand your attention at the most inconvenient times and these moments will make you cry so hard that I promise you won’t have any tears left for anything else. He will remind you how to love your siblings, and you will all become the best of friends. He will bring Mom back to you all, and that will be the start of another wonderful journey that I would love to write to you about later. 

My love, all these beautiful things and more are coming your way. In the meantime, cry your heart out, break shit, and continue sitting there in the dark wondering why this happened for as long as you like – but not too long. You don’t want to keep Dad waiting. He is dying to change your life.

Love,

Shyro (older and wiser, but still mostly a fumbling mess)

 

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