NDUGU CHUNGU, JIRANI MKUNGU

Right now you live in wonderful, brick-faced, penthouse apartment and your balcony opens up to a lush,green garden

with trees, flowers and birds.

You can afford the rent. You are living with your boyfriend “in sin” (You delight in saying

the “in sin.” You find the whole idea of “in sin” amusing) He is shades of chocolate brown and has naturally curly hair,

currently cut into a box hair cut with a small line to the left. He calls you. Baby. Bae. Sweetheart. Darling (ah,you love

the way he says darling). He loves music. He loves flowers. He meditates every day. He leaves you notes on your

bedside table and takes you on massage dates. You are loved and cared for and wanted and desired and accepted

in every way you can imagine.

You are currently at home, writing thoughts to turn into lyrics. You are booked to play the biggest festival in

Switzerland in the summer. You have savings in the bank and are hopeful, with cause, for future earnings. Your sister

is newly married. She is also going through a tough time and she is actually leaning on you. You are working on your

relationship. You see her about once a week.. Your brother is coming home in three days for the holidays You talk all

the time on your phone and he is one of your favourite people in the world. Your mother has been waiting for his

return with joy. Dad is still dead and Mum is still broken. Her sadness has not dissipated. But you talk to her every

three days. You actually like her even though your relationship is a little tough.

So as you sit there, 21 years old, feeling distressed about everything, but most notably: Being in love with a boy who

won’t love you back, desperately trying to record a demo so you can get some airplay(f*&k It’s so hard); the state of

permanent tension with mum; The absence of a functioning family support (your sister is still abroad and your brother

is not yet a person you can talk with); your body fat; your self-esteem; Will you ever find the God of your

understanding….

Just know you are in the right motion. After this boy, there will come at least another 5 or 6! Just imagine! You have

some crying to go! But eventually, you will choose to find another way to go about love. You will do some deep work

on yourself and you will find all that love inside. You will close shop for renovations, and when you open up, nothing

will look or feel the same, even though everything will be the same.

If I could advise you, I would say trust your instinct sooner. Speak up and out for yourself, if to noone else, to your

reflection in the mirror. Hold your resolve. Drop those friends that make you feel less loved and release the others

from expectations. Be not afraid. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to yourself and OBEY yourself. Get clear with people

much sooner and stay clear on paper. Bless and release the situations, but truly allow yourself to feel the things you

feel. Speak the truth, the whole truth and only the truth. BUT, in order for you to get where we are now, you need to

keep going steady down the road you have gotten on. You are OK and everything is OK.

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