PAIN

Tamara,

I wish I could tell you your no nonsense attitude and candid approach to life will protect you from pain. It won’t.

You are human, and believe me, the sadness you felt when you and Sami broke up is nothing compared to real grown up pain.

I now know too well there’s no pain like that of being hurt by someone that you love and trust.

I got married in October 2012 to a man I truly loved. We were in sync and in as much as our personality traits were polar opposites, somehow we gelled.

Our marriage wasn’t picture perfect. Those don’t exist. I thought my marriage was ‘safe’, that my understanding of the fundamentals that make a good marriage and a good wife would be enough to sustain us through even the rockiest times.

To me our tiffs were simply that, tiffs. We had disagreements but in marriage, who doesn’t. You agree, you agree to disagree, you kiss and make up and life moves on. In my head and my heart, I had found my perfect partner and that was all that really mattered.

That was just me though.

My husband, well, he was of another school of thought. When there is a problem, run. Run as fast and as quick as you can into the arms of another woman. That was his solution.  I never saw it coming.

When I found out about his affair, my world literally came crashing down on me. I felt alone, I felt cheated, I felt foolish. I was hurt. I don’t think words can really express what that pain was. And even now as I write to you, there are still embers of that pain deep within me.  

For the first time in my life I felt unsure of who I was; confused about life. You know how they say when your heart is broken you can feel it? It’s true. You can. I would feel this dull ache in my heart. My heartbeat was slow; a heavy, consistent thud that to me served no purpose. For a while I struggled to understand why pain exists. What did I do wrong to deserve such a cruel interlude in my life?

Tamara, nothing in this world will protect you from pain. It is written and even in the bible as humans we have to endure pain and suffering. You can try as much as you can to do the things you think will protect you from hurt and pain, but even that won’t stop God’s master plans from being executed.

A word of advice though. Don’t be naïve. I was when I got married. I believed wholeheartedly in what we had. I didn’t have a fallback plan.

You need to have a fallback. Protect your heart. I’m not saying don’t fall in love. You must fall in love, it’s an amazing feeling. BUT, protect your heart. Heed the words mum tells you when she says even when you are in love and married, have your eyes wide open, don’t always wear your heart on your sleeve and cover your heart with chainmail. That way, even when you do get hurt, the cut won’t be so deep.

 

With love and some pain,

Me

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