DEAR HEARTBROKEN SANA

6 years!! 6 years of loyalty and dedication, sacrifice and compromise, commitment and undying love. All this, during my prime and nothing to show for it. DAMN!

I feel wasted. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. And all these are present feelings.

It’s ok? No! It’s not ok. I didn’t scream. I didn’t shout. I didn’t vent. I didn’t release myself from the pain. I JUST LEFT.

At least so I thought. I believed that the wound would just heal if I smiled a-little, lived a-little. If I just forgave and forgot.

Ha! Easier said than done I tell you. That wound still bleeds heavy. How do I know this?...aaahhh well, because I still cry about it 3 years on…...that’s a-lot of tears!

Just the mere thought of what my life would be like had I perhaps left sooner; had my feelings been reciprocated in equal measure. Or or or perhaps had I just opened my eyes like EVERYONE was trying to get me to do but LOVE IS BLIND INDEED.

This was it for me. This was supposed to be my happy ending.... the thing is, I was the only one who saw "happy" in it.

I have moved on....and moving on doesn’t necessarily mean finding someone new to love but learning from my mistakes; realizing what a loving relationship should really be like; reading signs that are literally slapping you in the face!

 I have learned that:

  • Sometimes love isn’t enough; Love they say conquers all but the kind of love they’re talking about, is one that encompasses more than just that emotional and physical feeling. 
  • It’s your outlook on life, your values and principles, your moral compass, your approach to life and much more together. If you and your loved one are on the same loving frequency, then you're on the right path.
  • Hatred paralyses life; Ok, hate is a strong word BUT when you have negative feelings towards someone because of what they did to you, you are only paralyzing your life because that hatred consumes you, not them. Let it go.
  • Punishing others. I can’t tell you how many good smart men I have overlooked simply because of the past. I have punished so many because of mistakes made by someone else! They're not all the same. Again, hate paralyses life.
  • Love doesn't hurt; yes yes yes they say if it doesn’t hurt from time to time then it isn’t real. BS! The love I know now (from the proper understanding of it) has no room for hurt or any negative feeling for that matter.

 

I will Love AGAIN.

 

Hopeful Sana.

 

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