LOVE. LEARN. REPEAT.

Dear Nyokabi,

You fall in love with him a couple of times over the next eleven years.

The first time you kiss you bump teeth and the awkwardness of it all earns him a badly drawn medal for “worst kisser ever” in your journal. You were sure you would die.

Over the next two years you pine and ache as you give him relationship advice for what feels like 300 poor decisions that precede you.

Eventually the stars align. He tells you that you are beautiful. He kisses you and your heart cracks open and radiates enough joy to fuel a small planet.

He is smart, brave, funny and his unsure smile and awkwardness bring you life. Oh, and did I mention that he is absolutely gorgeous?

You will spend so much time over the next few years either laughing, drinking, dancing or crying.

Your romance runs a few seasons and gets cancelled when it gets toxic.

 Now it’s a little awkward and your friendship hasn’t really recovered from it all.

You both misremember a lot of it.

At last count he didn’t know that he broke your heart and you don’t see how he missed it stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……

Writing you this letter feels like I keep going back to the same spot, looking for love in a place that I did not leave it.

It is a difficult thing to separate the past from the present and take what you need into the future.

It also feels like this is the task.

This is a suspenseful and exciting place that you are in and it is ok to be vulnerable because right now he is just as scared as you are.

You are allowed to be confused, scared, angry or jealous. It is OK to spell it out sometimes because how else will you figure it out?

The good lord often saves you from yourself so take a few more risks.

You didn’t leave your love in the past because you are love.

So do not dwell in a misremembered past or project on an unforeseen future.

You are a reluctant romantic and you must remain open to the magic of it all.

Love. Learn. Repeat.

This is true today tomorrow and always.

Love always,

Future Nyokabi

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