Dear K

My dear friend,

You turned 38 a couple of months ago. You listened to a song on your birthday and the way you listened became a gift to yourself. And you know that good thing about music …

And man, that conversation we had long into the night, you were right. Time doesn’t prove the truth, the truth just remains the truth. It remains a simple thing that there is one God, that God is one, but it is not always easy to understand and live. Look how many prophets tried.

After you return from your travels you go back to work in a job. Remember Tracy Chapman where she sang of how she thought she’d make history but “making babies was the best (she) could do.” That is sort of how it feels now 10 years later.

To change anything, in and of yourself, you’ve got to trust yourself and there is only one way to do that.

There is this artist, two years younger than you, the son of a man who you idolize, he sings “Sabali.” Listen.

Patience and keep playing man. I love watching you play; with others, by yourself, play more. It is a gift, the way you want it, the way you can learn, is the gift. Respect it.

You do end up learning to write with your left hand, your right foot finds balance, your back strengthens and your mind makes peace with itself. You are at your best when you listen and act knowing there is no competition in true worship. You flow really well in those moments and your decisions respect your vision and ability.

5 years ago, and 5 years on from where you are, they are born. You were afraid of what their arrival would be but fatherhood grows you. You’ll be surprised by how free and strengthening you become through it. It is a place of glory, a simple place. If you can listen and act without competition in your worship you will learn.

Your marriage lasts 5 years but your relationship with her does not end. Now, when I look ahead, I can look with love. Not just for the children, but I am trusting in it as a way of wisdom. I’ve procrastinated enough with love. This is part of that repression I was telling you about. Thinking all the time that “I was born in sin and shaped in iniquity yet love created I …”

After the separation and through the divorce, you break down.

If you need a friend, you know.

As for the job, you grow through it. It really is a question of how you want to define yourself. When you walk into a game you don’t know exactly what type of chance will be created when, but you can experience and prepare certain types of plays and aspects of your game, and you can practice your decision-making. Executing decisions that create and score goals is the primary value you can bring into teams in any field.

I’m on a good routine at the moment, playing games and training alone. After the injuries and depression there is this germination. My performances are still a balance of beautiful, precise touches and movements and silly decisions. It’s fun and I’m learning.

Enjoy your sex too. Whether you have a little or a lot and whatever the kind of peer pressure, be honest with yourself, enjoy the whole fucking process and learn how to make love through it. I was scared of diseases and sinning and ended up repressing myself in an unhealthy way for years. Something light and creative became dark and anxious. It really is something you’re going to have to go through yourself and I can’t tell you how to be yourself either.

Take care man and that thing you told me, too true, some answers are better left unspoken.

Peace and focus.



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