N'OUBLIEZ PAS DE VOUS PARDONNER

From Me to Me,
Life never prepares you for the emptiness it is bound to bring. There’s about to be a quake in your world and you have two options; to fall through the possible crack or to try put it back together.

You’ll see a lot of sadness;

You’ll be privy to so much grief;

You’ll be buried in your thoughts for so long that the way out will seem farther than the destination you think is imminent.

You’ll find out what true, honest emotion; the raw and wholly devouring fierceness that is pain.

You will break…by the winds you will break and it won’t be the world that finally breaks you; it’ll be your own hand.

 

However, as you sit there consumed by a darkness so suffocating in a world that only offered you light. This one phrase is what your heart wants. N’Oubliez pas de vous pardonner. Simply because a house divided on itself cannot stand. Yeah, God will be relevant now and as you go through all these motions.

You can’t turn back time to say the things you wish you said; you won’t get the chance to do the things you wish you did; but you can’t go on with life entrapped in the guilt of trying to pick the moments you could’ve been a better sister.

You’ve done enough.

You are doing enough.

 

You’ll be happy to know that your last words to him were not in anger or whatever it is you’ll believe over the next couple of years. You and he had a pretty mundane conversation about how to marinate chicken and he said something really nice and called you Dear. With that intonation that only he could use, the last actual word from him to you in this lifetime was Dear.

See the mind, when the heart is hurt too deep in a way that it never has experienced, tends to get clouded. So, you’ll understand this when the scar is no longer too tender to touch and the sun’s rays start to streak through the clouds. It’s taken me a few years to remember this tiny fact but I found peace…or should I say, you will find some peace.

 

Your mind will be muddled as you grieve. Your brain will function on the bare minimum but you have all the support you could ever ask for. Everyone who needs to be present through this specific journey will be there for you so why not yourself? Right now, as you go through the motions of living but can only see a void, call out to yourself. Forgive yourself for a burden that you’ll find out is your way of grieving.

 

And when the silence hits, with no warning or foreshadow, breathe deeply and wait for the sound of the waves. Let the sound of the waters calm you as you return to being. You are golden.

N’Oubliez pas de vous pardonner Moxie.

“The waves keep coming, that’s the one thing you can count on in life.” – Gregg Lopez

 

*Mapenzi.Love*

  Moxie.

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