FORGIVE YOURSELF

Dear Maria,

You’ll fall for him (Larry) at the most unexpected time. He will be your first love that was an almost relationship. He has been your one of your closest friends and heard all your drama and stories. He has comforted you when some dumb guy broke your heart and heard your story of your first kiss. He knows you so well and has always been there for you. He has secretly liked you for the longest time. Maybe not so secretly because you have always known but have never felt the same way. All of a sudden after being hurt by the dumb guy you start you realize what an amazing guy he is and you fall for him. You’re not too sure of your feelings because you got heartbroken a few months ago and you don’t want him to be a rebound because he deserves better than that. You keep your feelings to yourself for some time until you are sure. During his birthday you wish he could just kiss you but being the gentleman he is he just gives you a sweet peck on your cheek. You celebrate your birthday one month after his and he’s around to celebrate it with you. You have never really drank before but your friends are on a mission to make your birthday memorable. You take a number of shots and get tipsy. You then start babbling on about your feelings for him and he is confused. He is tempted to kiss you but he doesn’t because he knows you’re tipsy and doesn’t want to take advantage of the situation. The next day you talk about what happened and tell him how you feel. Your first kiss with him is explosive. You were extremely nervous but it was the best first kiss you’ve had with anyone. You start dating him and it feels so natural like it was meant to be from the start but the other guy who broke your heart is still in the picture since you now have mutual friends.

This ruins everything. You start comparing the two and see the other douchebag is doing better in life and has his life more figured out. You also had insecurities about his height and age. He’s slightly shorter than you and one year younger than you. All these issues came out in the almost-relationship because you had the idea of what a perfect boyfriend should be like especially since he would be your first boyfriend. He eventually cannot take more of the comparisons and decides to end things. Your heart is completely shattered into pieces because you have just lost your best friend and an amazing man. At the time you blame him for the breakup.

A few months turn into a year and you start to realise you were the problem. You played a big part in ruining it. You will start to regret you sabotaging the entire thing because he was an amazing guy. You will realize that you lost a perfect boyfriend because you were too immature and too inexperienced in this game called love.

You will learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made by making him feel like he was not good enough. You will learn from these mistakes and learn how to be a better girlfriend to your next.

You will realize that you also had commitment issues that you have to deal with when you find someone else.

This whole experience as painful as it is will make you grow in leaps and bounds and make you a better person for your next.

Love

Future Maria

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