"NO REGERTS"

Dear Joan

So here you are, the lead in a non-permitted office romance, or perhaps I should say office romance go awry, there go your chances of being employed by one of the best. Great.

You love that he’s ten years older than you, his boyish demeanor, how he makes you laugh and teases you, how he treats you like an adult unlike everyone else in the office; he’s so big and tall too…mmh. Maybe people can finally stop mistaking you for a child.

You encourage him. Long talks accompanied by long walks to secluded places at lunchtime. His office eventually becomes your office. Stolen kisses. You wonder why he doesn’t view you as a child, the way you feel everyone else does; the way YOU view yourself. “Why me?” and “Is this genuine?” will constantly cross your mind.

You open up to him in a way you’ve never done before. It’s slow and painful. He is gentle, reassuring. It calms you down enough to loosen up and let him in. You stain his sheets red, and in your naiveté, you wholeheartedly believe this is what needs to be done in order to spend the rest of your life with this man; failing to notice that his interest in you significantly decreased, after he got what he wanted.

You unthinkingly fall deeper. Intoxicated with thoughts of a future together. Naïve. You’ll ignore his very active Badoo account. You’ll ignore the different women always present in his house; the many different women he openly checks out in your presence. You’ll ignore his stories about his many past sexual escapades and the “look at that mama’s ass” he will utter occasionally. It’s laughable that despite all this you will still envision a future together.

He will go silent.

When you think you need him the most. When you’re fighting an unknown disease. He will go silent.

You will wonder why you ever met him.

NO REGERTS.

It is imperative that you remember this. You will understand its importance as you go by. Simply put, yes you will make many questionable and stupid decisions.

Acting before thinking.

I still struggle with this.

However the choices you make and the outcome of these choices will shape you into the woman you will eventually become. The woman that I am. You will finally remove the rose-coloured glasses and see why you deserve so much more than mediocrity. You will tear your heart from your sleeve. You will realize your worth and grow mentally and emotionally in ways that you cannot imagine. You are not for everyone, but most importantly, not everyone is for you.

Get out of that bed you have been lying and crying in for days on end.

Wipe away those tears.

Do not send him that 76th text! Have some pride!

Do not let your life come to a standstill.

Pick yourself up, and push through the bad days.

I know the pain is unbearable, it will fade to a vague memory. Trust me. Time heals all wounds. Do not go silent on your friends, you need them now more than ever. Do not dwell on the why. Let the past go and look to the future.

It gets better. Much better.

Stay strong.

Future Joan.

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