THROUGH THE EYES OF SHE THAT LOVES YOU

My dearest Nkatha,

You loved them so deeply; those friends, and by loving them so much, they had some power over you. Enough power to change the course of your life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them for the way things turned out for you; that would be escapist. But I give them credit, because it is due them, for acting as a sort of catalyst. I’m sure you’re wondering what on earth I’m talking about.

Well, one day, your friends will say some terrible things about you. Not the usual what you did or said. They say things that you have yourself wondered about. Wondered if you’re the only one who knows. Wondered if they think it’s terrible, just like you do.

I would love to tell you exactly what was said but I’ve never been able to repeat it.

I can tell you, that you will carry these words around for a while. After some time you will even begin to see life from the eyes of someone who doesn’t deserve good things; and sometimes, someone who can’t produce good things.

Nkatha, you cannot be the person who fights yourself the most.

I know you wish you were different in many ways. I think everyone does. But at the same time there are so many things about you that are unique and really great. Acknowledging that is not conceited or self-involved, as you may sometimes think. I wish you knew how important your eyes were, of all the eyes in the world. Do you know why this is so? Because it isn’t possible to be everybody’s favourite thing. Please don’t make this your goal.

I’ve seen you try and it only ends up watering down the real you when you try to fit to everyone’s mold.

I refuse to tell you that your flaws are beautiful because I don’t think they have to be. I don’t think they are. I do think, that they make you who you are and that they shouldn’t stand in the way of any love that you have for yourself.

I would like for you to begin seeing yourself through the eyes of someone that loves you, for you. I bet you’ll be pleased.

All yours,

Nkatha.

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