Dear Little Natasha

Dear little me,

Remember when you never had a care in the world?

I mean, even the seemingly big things, you could pray away or shove the burden of caring to whoever wished to play ‘protector’ over you that day? Remember all the attention you didn’t care how you got or used? Remember the boys you thought would always be brothers? Except of course that one with whom you constantly fought in primary school only for him to write you letters declaring you were the apple of his eye once he came of age… Remember when your biggest dream was to go to that place far far away called ‘Vienna’? And the only reason was that dad had just returned from a trip there and brought something called a ‘deck’, chocolate, and the exact same dress for you and your sister, just different colors? Remember bathing under the avocado tree in the backyard with the boys, screaming with joy and racing to finish first just to go grab and monopolize the TV remote? Remember sharing the Christmas feast on a large tray with what seemed like 50 cousins while sipping on wildly exaggerated stories…?

Well, all that innocence is no more and on many days I miss being you. Of course life goes on and who shall carry your candle if not me? I owe it to you in this place called ‘adulting’, I guess. Things have changed now. The attention actually matters, some of it will do you good and some could be the end of you but pray that you will be just fine.  The boys, they will be brothers or lovers depending on their plan or your lack of one. And about your dreams, that’s a bit more complicated out here in your future life. Older you has travelled some, doesn’t watch TV much anymore, doesn’t want dad buying her no dresses and prefers the healthy food (Never thought you’d love veggies, huh. Now you do!). She dreams of touching the sky these days but frankly, she just wants to make it there in one piece. I can’t promise that I will. These things depend on how many battles I can fight and win for you.

It’s a long, long road and I don’t know how far these feet can carry your hopes, fears, joys & sorrows. But I can tell you, I am a soldier of sorts these days. I shall fight for you. For us…

 

Love,

Older Natasha

Previous Next