THE RECOVERING COLLECTOR

Dear Mahanjam,

You will be a collector and a hoarder for the next six years of your life.

I know you’ve been told that there are those who look better than you do, and that your time to shine will be when you’re older, and back then, they just wouldn’t look at you. You had to rely on just your personality and your brain. I’m here to tell you that now they are looking at you; and they’re smiling when they see you, sometimes they ignore you but you know that they’ve seen you.

You’re not as bubbly and open as you used to be because many times you ended up in the friend-zone. Trust me, you don’t want to be there. You don’t open up about your feelings now as much as you used to because toxic masculinity aside, they will still want your thick arms and your deep voice and your resolute calmness to reassure them when shit hits the fan.

Start working out now; start preparing for manhood because you will reap the rewards in a few years. I must admit, when the floodgates opened, you handled it terribly, like an amateur. Like that kid who’s been denied cake since they were young and now that they’re older, they binge on it and get sugar rushes and stomach aches and diabetes. You need this period though. You need to binge and make those mistakes so that when she comes, you’re ready for her.

You called yourself Mahanjam when you were younger because you were getting your inner whore ready, and you will definitely be ready when they start arriving at your doorstep, more than one at a time. You will lose some good ones, you will use some for their ass and others for your ego. You will step on some hearts and shatter others. It’s not okay, but it’s okay because you will learn how to not be selfish; how to respect yourself and respect them too; you will learn that there are some crazy girls out here and how to spot them; you will learn that all that glitters is not gold and you will learn that maybe you have a heart, and maybe it can get broken.

You will be a collector; and you will have a beautiful collection, if that’s what you want. But you will also realize that they’ll come and they’ll go and you’ll have a lot to clean up after all the dust has settled. I cannot say that you will have completely changed by the time you write this, all I can say is that you will still have a journey ahead of you, so learn from everything as you travel, as will I.

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